How Online Therapy Helps Heal The Pain Of Verbal Abuse In Children


There are quite a number of passages in the Bible about how a parent-child relationship should be.  One is that a child should obey his parents for it is the right thing to do.  In fact, this is the first commandment with a promise added to it, a promise of a prosperous and long life.

But the passage doesn’t end there. In fact as I said earlier, it’s a relationship between the parents and child, so there’s also something for the parent to take note of, that they should not provoke their children.  Parents should avoid doing things that can make their children angry or provoke them to do more wrong deeds.

Bullying Sometimes Starts At Home Where Parents Are The Bullies

According to Monika Kreinberg, LMHC, LMFT, “Bullying is so common that the person you talk to likely has gone through this or knows someone who has.” Sometimes, parents’ idea of authority exceeds its context.   Their idea of being the authority in their children’s life is abused that parents tend to go beyond what should be the proper way of disciplining and pointing out to their kid the things they did wrong.  Verbal abuse often happens without the parents noticing it, and they end up being the first one bullying their very own kids in their very home. “The easiest way to describe verbal abuse is verbal bullying that creates emotional pain and mental anguish in the person it’s being done to,” says Eris Huemer, PsyD.

Hearing hurtful words from their own parents are the most hurting form of bullying to a child.  It’s damaging not only physically but emotionally and, worse, mentally.

Verbal Abuse Effect On The Brain

Children quickly adapt to their environment.   A child’s brain usually healthily develops when he lives in a safe, harmonious, caring, and loving environment, whereas it is the opposite to those who are in an unsupportive, uncaring and aggressive condition.


Research reveals that there are parts of our brain that are affected when we often witness or experience hostility.  Among these parts are the corpus callosum (responsible for transferring sensory and cognitive information to the two brain hemispheres), the hippocampus (that regulates emotion), and the frontal cortex (which controls our thoughts and ability to make decisions).   It is also said that in the presence of verbal abuse, the structure of the gray matter of the brain significantly changes.

Verbal Abuse Effects On Children

Children are often clueless why their parents say those hurting words to them, why their parents have to humiliate them.  Their young minds suffer, sometimes leading them to

  • become abusive themselves
  • live in fear
  • develop depression – According to licensed mental health counselor Christina L. Gmyr, “Depression is a common but serious mood disorder that goes beyond feeling sad.  It is often characterized by low mood, fatigue and loss of motivation. Depression can become a problem when it creates extreme emotional distress or causes us problems in our everyday lives.”
  • turn to drugs and alcohol
  • have anger-related issues
  • experience posttraumatic disorder
  • have mental disorders
  • develop sleeping and eating disorders

What most parents are not aware of is that verbal abuse can push their children to commit suicide even at a young age.

Age doesn’t matter when it comes to the damaging effects of verbal abuse.  Telling your kids words such as, “Why are you so stupid?” “You’re worthless!” “Useless kid!” has same damaging effect whether your child is a boy or a girl, whether you’re a wealthy or middle-income or low-income family.

You Can Never Make A Wrong Deed Right By Uttering Ugly Words

Insulting is not the proper way of disciplining your kid because if your kid hears these things consistently, they will turn out to believe they are so until they end up ruining their own lives, committing crimes or even grow up just letting others abuse them as well.

It’s Not Too Late!

If you think you’re one of the guilty parents, it’s not yet too late to right the wrong things you’ve done to your kid.  You can never get those ugly words back, but you can always say sorry and be sure not to do it again.  Never ever justify your wrong actions towards your kid, for this will just allow you to do them over and over again.